I still think about you every day... I know it's not fair considering everything I put you through. I know you've moved on and you're unbiased now, but I just can't get over you and I'm not sure I ever will. I shouldn't have fucked it up. I'm so sorry.
I miss seeing Smiley Faces you wrote on paper.
I've never had an orgasm during sex. For the three years I've been with my boyfriend, I've never finished during sex. I've always had to finish myself. He finishes all the time. I really want to change things in our sex life. We don't really have foreplay either. We make out and maybe grind together a little bit, but that's it. I want real foreplay. I want the tension to build up until we can't take it anymore. Every time we've ever had sex, I've been on top. Standard cowgirl position. That gets really boring after three years. It's not as exciting as Cosmo or porn makes it look. He rubs and eats out my ass, sometimes will finger me, sometimes I'll give him head, but it's just not doing it for me anymore. I just want different positions, something new, something to spice it up. Nothing too freaky, just something new.
I'm really hoping that I get a job soon. It's been 7 months since I've had a job. I had to move and leave my job unexpectedly when my mom died. I didn't have any family in town, I couldn't afford to pay rent for our apartment, and I couldn't find an apartment in town that I could afford. I applied for jobs everywhere I could. I went on three interviews and never heard back. I was technically hired by McDonald's, but they never called me back for my work schedule so I basically quit without notice. I don't consider myself to ever been employed by them. My options were limited to working in my small town and using the public bus to get to and from work. I'm happy I didn't end up working at McDonald's because it was out of town and riding the bus to and from work didn't work out. My options for work hours would have been limited to the bus schedule: no weekends, no holidays, lunch shift only, and I probably wouldn't be able to come in if they called me in. Now that I'm about to get my license, I started applying for jobs again. Once I can drive myself to and from work, I'll be able to work anywhere and anytime. I'm only taking two classes and they're both online. I would only have a few days I would have to ask off to take my tests for those classes. I don't care what job I get. I don't care what hours. I just want a job. I miss working. And I need income. I've been making it off my benefits from my mom's life insurance, food stamps, no rent thanks to HUD (income based apartment) and help from my Grandma. But I want a new apartment and I want to be totally independent. I want an apartment with no limits on how many credits I can take in school. I don't mind working two jobs. I just need a job.
I'm so bored. There's nothing to do. The weather is awful, my parking lot and the roads are too slick to go anywhere, my phone's keyboard is broken, I've watched all my movies, there's nothing on Netflix that I really want to watch, nothing good is on TV, all my favorite sites are boring right now, I don't even want to play a video game. I think I'm going to have to resort to cleaning for entertainment.
I look back at my post at least once a week to see if I get any comments or hugs...just board or feeling unloved...not happy with my life right now. ..
I want to get married like they do in game of thrones. He'll put his cloak around my shoulders and they'll tie our hands together with white cloth. We'll say that we belong to one another. I'd like to belong to some one. I'm a nerd. I'm addicted to a tv show. I'd like get married like they do in game of thrones.
When we watch the 6 o'clock News and see "Man shoots wife, children, then self" we are like"what tha fuck!" What we don't realize is that this man might not be crazy, but just can't see the light of a never ending tunnel. Wife lost her job and no luck finding a new one, he is working 14 hrs a day, they don't qualify for government help because they are married, bills stacking up, cant pay the rent no food in the fridge...he can't take it anymore want to take his own life but can't be the thought of his family suffering with out him....so. ..he takes them with him. I need a way out of this tunnel a real solution. ..
I've been trying for 7 months to get my driver's license. All I need is someone to drive with me and sign my form. It's hard to get someone to drive with me. I want to get my license by this Saturday because it's my 20th birthday. I want to drive to see my boyfriend and spend the weekend with him. Tonight I was really stressed, so I took a little drive. I know I'm not supposed to, but I wanted to know I could do it. It really helped calm me down. All I've wanted to do for months is just take a drive. I did really well. My parking sucked though. I had to try four times to get it right. I didn't come close to hitting anything, I just couldn't get it straight and in the lines. Honestly, if I knew I wouldn't drive by someone I know or get pulled over, I would've gone further than around the block. I would've driven to the store out of town. If I drove by one of my family members, they would've taken my car away. I knew it was risky enough, but I'm happy I took the risk. I needed to know that I can do this on my own. I'm ready for my license. I just need someone to go on one more drive with me and sign my form.